the inspiration breakthrough came, and I am so glad it did...
last semester I got off to a flying start, and I've been worried that I would be behind if I didn't find something to trigger me this semester, but it happened.
The couture outfit I'd been thinking about has evolved. I was trying to think of something beautiful and, when I was starved of inspiration, I returned to the basics, which for me is so often about colour. So I went to my favourite source book, the coffee table book I own on Gustav Klimt, and I suddenly found my mojo.
Hope II (1907-08) by Gustav Klimt.
This painting speaks to me on so many levels. The top level - it's inate beauty and colour - it is spectacular.
But underneath that, the meaning of this painting - birth, renewal and death, all concerns of the expectant mother, represented by the faces in the coat - are foremost thoughts on my mind right now. I am thrilled that a few very special people close to me are expecting babies. But it reminds me of my own journey on this road, a difficult road to take and one which may indeed lead to heartbreak. But one I have chosen to follow.
Yes, we're trying to conceive a baby here.
I'm doing all the right things - heck I am even eating chicken and fish, and anyone who knows me, knows that is a HUGE step forward for me. I've been seeing the doctor and the natural process has begun, but with mixed, pretty limited results. Things haven't happened as we expected them to (though I am willing to give my body all the time it needs), and it may not be long before we have to consider medical intervention if we want to have a child of our own. I don't know if I can take that path - the pressure it will put on me, and on our marriage, may be more risky than we are willing to undertake. So that is a decision we may have to make and one which does not entice me at all. Unlike many women in similar circumstances, I am not willing to put my body through the wringer of hormones, injections and the like in pursuit of a baby. Not because I don't want to be a mother, but because my body has been through enough in this lifetime. Because I have been through enough emotionally in this lifetime. And I believe that whatever the grand plan may be for me, I need to let it happen.
So, back to Klimt (a much nicer train of thought, wouldn't you say?) - I decided to make this coat. Take it from being a painting to a 3-dimensional garment of beauty, that tells a story - both the story from the painting, interwoven with my own personal journey. It will be a huge undertaking, but one I hope proves successful. It gives me something positive and theraputic to work on and takes a delicate situation and draws out the wonder that is the pregnant state.
I'm looking forward to sharing this with you.
